Expecto Patronum!

‘Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can’t see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself – soulless and evil. You’ll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.’
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Hello everyone,

Now that I have gone nerdy all over my blog allow me to explain myself. It has been a little while since I have done Monday Motivation post and mostly because it can be so easy to write but difficult sometimes to have an original thought. The Motivational part of this blog is something I have struggled with this month and this post is not necessarily a motivational post but more of a release of my intense emotions. So let’s get into it.

An interesting fact about myself, I absolutely love the horror genre and being scared is thrilling. There is something exciting about this fear factor it keeps me coming back for more. I am absolutely fascinated by the dark and mysterious creatures. Mostly because I know it isn’t real only entertainment and the feeling of a scared vulnerability, though overwhelming as it is, it is controlled.

When I think of one of the scariest characters I have ever come across, the Dementors take the cake. I find them absolutely terrifying. Many times I have shot straight up in bed gasping for air and referring to the aforementioned spell. Something about the nature of how they prey on their victims and what it does to them when they get kissed by a Demontor has always stuck with me.

In my darkest days when I feel that sadness has taken over, my go to is that I must have made out with a Dementor and I have lost my soul. It is strange as I have not thought about, referenced or seen the series this monster crawled out of in a long time. Today and this week a familiar feeling has resurfaced and I feel as though I have been attacked. It is this type of vulnerability that is not controllable that is the most terrifying, but instead of being scared I am just sad, ashamed, and embarrassed going through the motions teetering on angry and guilt.

It is times like these that I feel as though I have kissed a Dementor and all the happiness in the world has been sucked out leaving behind only an empty shell. Dined upon my soul and left to suffer or become the monster myself. I do not want to become the monster and I must save myself. I do not know what that means yet or what I must do only that I must. I have had this dream before of the Dementor and now I see it was not a dream but a foresight into my future as I see the nightmare become reality mmetaphorically of course. I am taken back to that place of loss and emptiness. Praying that my foresight is wrong and the events I dreamt up shall not come to pass. Though, even writing this send a deje vu spine tingling feeling I cannot shake, it is as though I have already wrote this years before now. As I continue, the premonition becomes more clear and though I do not fully remember what happens next, I can only hope it will not happen as I know it was nothing good. All I know is it’s familiar, from the Demontor reference, to the events that came to pass, to me sitting here writing this. It has all happened before and now I will take the scariest monster I can dream up The Dementor and snuggle with that thought tonight as I cry myself to sleep for the second night in a row.

*the Feature Image is not my own*

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10 thoughts on “Expecto Patronum!

  1. It sounds like you’re in a bad place, I hope the dementor leaves off you to recover and that the premonitions aren’t true. As I side note, I think I have premonitions sometimes, but I don’t remember them until time catches up and I get to the event, then I feel really weird.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah It is not a good place right now. I think in the end everything will work out the way it is suppossed to. It is a strange feeling and I never know what to do with it. I guess at the end of the day I know I am right where I am supposed to be if I already dreamt it up before am i right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No, no I don’t. I have had this kind of thing happen before. I don’t think I ever realize what is happenning until I find myself in a moment that feels like I am reliving it. In fact I can remember the point in time when I first experienced this only It was a thought or a dream. Now I am experiencing first hand and it is weird. Like a more advanced Deja Vu. I do not know what it means if that was it or if there is more. I am happy to hear that you can relate even in a small way almost so that I don’t feel as weird.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well it sounds like you could definitely use a pick me up! 🙂 sometimes it helps to smile, I know that sounds silly but smiling is contagious 🙂 🙂 🙂 or at least it’s supposed to be. 🙂 I remember feeling so helpless around this time last year. Even though it’s hard to tell yourself “it won’t last forever”, because it feels like it will, try to shine the light on that. Even if it’s just for one second. It will get better! 🙂 you can always email me if you want to pour your heart out! 🙂

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