I have found myself overwhelmed by sadness and grief this year. I am just teetering on the edge of a full-out depression. I sometimes find myself in a pretty dark place. I haven’t really talked to many about it because I do not want them to feel sorry for me or try to say nice things because I feel that would only make the sadness surface and feel stronger. If I tell people close to me how I feel they may feel responsible or wonder if they are good enough for me if they make me feel that sad. The reality is it has nothing to do with anyone else. I love my group of people and am so grateful for them though, I realize now that I may have isolated myself from them. At first feeling safe there isolated and avoiding the feelings and events that put me in this state. I am now wanting to break out of this cycle because it turns out isolation is lonely. It’s not easy to be able to reach out and at times I don’t know how to start the conversation. There are people in my life I haven’t spoken to in some time. I want to reach out but am not sure how to begin. It should be as easy as picking up the phone and dialing but it’s not just that easy. The anxiety runs deep my mind reels and I lose my voice. I am just taking it one day at a time and being there for the people in my life when I can and most importantly being there for me.