Child Free Shaming, Why Is It Acceptable?

Hello everyone,

I don’t normally get on here and talk about controversial topics but this one bothers me to no end. I am going to get a little personal and it may be offending to some people but at the same time those who relate to this need to read and hear that there are others out there feeling this way.

I want to talk about Child Free individuals. I am not even going into specifics about whether or not they chose to be child free or if they are forced into it by circumstance or health. The reality is this group of people and myself included in this group is being shamed. Society can not accept that some people simply do not have kids. Child free are being labeled as selfish, immature, or career obsessed. I hear it almost daily that people without kids are not fulfilled in their life, or that they haven’t matured into an actual adult. Seriously, we are actually shaming people about procreation. It is acceptable too, and one of the worst offenders, women. Women, and a lot of them have taken to the internet to specifically call out child free women and publicly shame.

Now I know I’m not someone’s mother and I am not raising kids but if I was I highly doubt I would be teaching them it is acceptable to shame people for their life choices, also don’t forget for many people being child free is not a choice! I think these kinds of people shouldn’t be raising kids if they are that ignorant. I am fearful for these children growing up in that environment becoming a product where bullying and shaming is promoted.

Before even considering to ask a someone why they do not have kids, take a second to think if you are prepared for that answer. Do you really want them to break down in front of you and tell you it is everything they want but can’t have? Are you ready to hear that they hate kids and want yours to stop destroying their house? Do you really want to know that the only thing important is their career? What does it matter, it is a life decision and in some cases a decision they didn’t have the luxury to make.

I am so incredibly done with seeing memes like this

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Exhausted definition from Websters dictionary
verb (used with object)

1. to drain of strength or energy, wear out, or fatigue greatly, as a person:

I have exhausted myself working.

2. to use up or consume completely; expend the whole of:

He exhausted a fortune in stock-market speculation.
3. to draw out all that is essential in (a subject, topic, etc.); treat or study thoroughly.

4.to empty by drawing out the contents:

to exhaust a tank of fuel oil.
5. to create a vacuum in.
6.to draw out or drain off completely.
7.to deprive wholly of useful or essential properties, possessions, resources, etc.

Definition from Websters dictionary, it does not say you can only be exhausted if you have kids. Yes I am exhausted too and I am allowed to be. I work hard at my job it’s not an easy job and it doesn’t stop I am always on the go and battle insomnia. I am physically and mentally drained the majority of the time so go laugh somewhere else because your ignorance is disgusting.

I get it, your proud of your child and you love it dearly as you should. It’s when you start to imply or judge others that their life is unfulfilled, their heart is empty, they are not a complete woman. It is cruel, instead we should be supportive of that individual. It honestly shouldn’t matter. I do see more women are actually choosing not to have kids and are pursuing things that make them happy maybe they don’t want to sit around on their mommy blogs bashing women for being child free. Women are more free than we have ever been not living repressed lives as was the norm in previous years. Yes of course we want to expand out limits as women we should be encouraging these women as they help to open more doors for all of us, why then do we do the opposite and shame them. What’s wrong with having a career that you love?

Maybe that women who actually doesn’t like kids is making a great choice because she just simply is not a good candidate to be a mother but has the self-awareness to save some poor soul that misery.

Don’t forget about the women who didn’t have the choice. Why would you shame someone for a medical condition? In my books someone who shames another over a health issue has no business raising children themselves.

My most favourite child free shaming line I hear all the time, who will take care of you when you are old? Really, so I should go out and have a kid so they will have to wipe my butt later? That’s not a reason to have kids either that’s intent to inflict burden upon them and if that is your reason for having kids than that’s the real shame.

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40 thoughts on “Child Free Shaming, Why Is It Acceptable?

  1. Lovely rant lol.
    I don’t believe I’ve ever “shamed” anyone for not having kids. I do think some memes are funny but obviously not entirely true.

    I know people who have had miscarriages, I know people who don’t want kids period, and I respect that decision. I know some who are more interested in getting far in their career before even thinking about kids.

    In my personal opinion, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Even though they say, you’re never truly ready. And if you don’t want kids, that’s your choice. I always sort of disliked how people would ask “so when are you having kids?”. I’ve been shamed about having my son “too early”. “I’m too young”. Really? My mom had me when she was two years older than when I had mine. I’ve also been asked when I’m having “the next one”. I honestly don’t think I want a second one, at least not right now. But like you said, some people are not prepared to hear an honest answer.

    Some people can be inconsiderate. Motherhood isn’t for everyone and also not everyone has that opportunity, and I feel more for those who want it so bad and can’t have it.

    Anyway, this comment is long…I should stop here. But bravo for writing this!!! I will definitely share this on my monthly review, if you don’t mind! 🙂

    Like

    1. That brings up a good point that child free women are not the only one under attack from the shaming. Women shame other women for just about everything, it is wild. When I say that I’m not speaking about all women but in most and generally speaking. I work in a female dominated environment and it is not always pleasant women can be terrible to each other. When I worked in a male dominated environment in a higher stress job it was less hostile and more efficient! I am honoured to be featured in your post!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes, I wish women were kinder to each other. So much drama… But you are right, working in a male dominated environment is much much better. They keep to themselves and don’t get bitchy about the little things, lol.
        And awesome! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If they do have an issue they tell you right away and to your face. Women will store it away until they can bomb drop a whirlwind of drama and tell everyone else but the person it is directed to.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I agree people pressure each other too much. We all want different things. And I often hear the ‘who will look after you’ line. If that’s a persons sole reason to have a child then that’s not right. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I work with a lot of elderly and they have kids and grandkids yet they are not necessarily “looked after” it’s sad but that is reality. When someone says that to me I can’t help but tare them a new one just because I see abandoned elderly all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true. My grandad depends on my mum and me. My aunt and uncle do nothing and hardly see him. So you can’t rely on children to care for you. People should have children because they want to love and care for the child, not so the favour is just returned x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. His health is sadly not as good as he’s getting older. He hates doctors and hospitals but we make him go for his tests and checks. I hope he’s happy. We see him every day so he’s not lonely x

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aw, I feel like it is common for many to dislike doctors and hospitals. It’s so good he has you guys. I lost my grandfolks long ago and I know the importance of being involved in their lives. I think that’s why I love my new career as I get to help others so much!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You are not alone there my friend, many of us feel the same way. Know that there are others out there that support you in that. As I was typing out this response I remembered another point I hear when a child free individual responds they don’t want kids they can’t handle it so badly they say something like “you’ll change you mind.” like our carefully plot out mission in life can be so easily dismissed. I don’t have the time of day for these shamers. I’m too busy and oh.. exhausted lol.

        Like

  3. Love this post! Thank you so much for writing this on behalf of all of us who don’t have kids and get asked ALL THE TIME when are we going to!
    The line I get all the time is “I’m so busy, but you wouldn’t understand because you don’t have kids”. It’s like you can’t possibly be busy unless you have kids and it’s really irritating to hear it. Because I’m the only one who doesn’t have kids, I am now at the point where I hold back on saying certain things because I am made to feel like I can’t possibly have a say about it or understand what they are talking about.
    It does get quite annoying but unfortunately I don’t have any friends who don’t have kids.
    Great post! 🙂

    Like

    1. Oh I hate that line. It’s like are you actually complaining that you have kids? What kind of monster are you? I get it though it’s not an easy thing to do raise kids and all. On the same hand though it’s not like I’m not in some way raising kids what with being aunty and even friends kids. Also just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I’m not busy in fact sometimes busier because I spread my time so thin wurh everything and always keep busy no matter what. When people say that it is like they are dismissing my life like it’s irrelevant and all I do is play around in PJs thinking how awesome it is to sleep all day. That’s never happened. It’s wrong that they make you feel like you don’t have a say, you do. Those words are hurtful and when they are said do sting there is no way to it can be taken any other way, they must know that. If they are really worth being in your life they will understand if you tell them please don’t say things like that it is incredibly hurtful you don’t understand my life without kids or you wouldn’t say that. It makes mommies skin crawl to think why we don’t have kids. I too am one of the only people in my circle child free and their are many of us out there that understand.

      Like

      1. I agree with you on everything..not having kids gives you more time to be busy with other things. It might not count in their eyes but thats their problem really. No one should have to justify their reasons for something to anyone. It is what it is, just accept it and leave it alone!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Brilliant post. You really covered everything!

    It annoys me big time when other people demand to know why I don’t have or want kids. My parents have made peace with the fact that I won’t have kids. And my brother has kids, so my mum and dad have grandchildren.

    And everything else is no one’s business. So yeah, everyone should mind their own business and get on with life. And I think it’s sad when people can’t find better things to do with their time than bitching about other people…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s terribly sad yes, we really should just be more supportive of each other and build each other up. Women with kids should be teaching that too, unfortunately most not all but most are inadvertently or directly teaching their children it is okay to shame and bully. It is terrible and breaks my heart. I was nervous about posting this but I am so glad I did because it is refreshing to talk to and just know there are other women out there going through what I go through and understand. Child Free Shaming is real and it needs to stop.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As a parent I have often wondered if some people have a ‘Misery Loves Company’ attitude. Parents often don’t have a lot of money, never get to go on holiday without almost military level planning and when they do get away all the kids do is complain about something or another.

    When a childless couple springs up and manages to have money, can go away on spur-of-the-moment romantic weekends… It can be a little grating. I know we missed a few of those! It’s almost subliminally “I can’t have it so you should be unhappy like I am”.

    Bit sad really.

    I just want to say that not all parents are like that. We certainly aren’t. But I have known a fair few VERY unhappy parents who asked me when were we having another child. Having said all that… We are actively encouraging our daughter to NOT have kids. She knows we gave up on a HUGE amount of things just so she could do her own thing. The taxi services, money, time… All things she is grateful for, and things we did because she needed them. But it’s all what good parents do. *shrug*

    I’m just really glad she is 18 and all she does now is ask for the car keys to run herself around. B-)

    Like

  6. I’m sorry you were shamed. I completely understand how you feel. A male coworker told me I was selfish and my MILs friend suggested I didn’t know how to procreate and should teach me how (creepy).lol There was so much pressure from the constant questions. I pushed off kids but also struggled with infertility till I was 32. I hope people will become kinder and more respectful of child free couples whether it’s a choice or not. Nice post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yikes that is creepy. I am so sorry this happened to you too. There is a lot of pressure I do agree and often there is no answer to the questions, at least in my case I just don’t know. Kids may never be in my future and I will be okay with that either way. Unfortunately not everyone else is going to be okay and they may lash out and shame or whatever. I also hope for a day when people would be kinder to one another accepting of one another regardless. It’s a nice dream.

      Liked by 1 person

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